


Just a Little Further

by JadeKitsune



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 02:32:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4770260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeKitsune/pseuds/JadeKitsune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raph thinks he's gone too far, too deep, it's past the point of no return. He doesn't want these feelings, hating that they're even apart of him. But, how can he make them stop? Make it all go away? Leo just might have the answers he's looking for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just a Little Further

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FoxKid1302](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoxKid1302/gifts).



_I gotta get outta here, one more push an' I'll go over the top. I can't stay here...I gotta leave. No damn it don't try an' stop me I don't wanna hurt anyone can't you understand that? I gotta go NOW!_

"Raph wait!" Damn that hot head never listens, it's dangerous up there alone. I know he's pretty steamed but I can't just let him go off alone and get hurt or worse. "I'll go after him, you two stay here in case he comes back before I get to him.

 _I gotta run, get away from them, from the ones I love. Why? Why do I gotta have these feelings? This temper? Why? Why was I the one given power AND rage? Why? I almost..._ "Leo, I can't believe I almost...That night on the roof, those words, that stab...why? Why did I let it get to that? I could've killed him...I wanted to, wanted to shut him up for good..." _Why?_

_Why? Damn it Raph! Why do you always carry the burdens alone? I can see it, every time you fight, every time we fight, with every glare...I see it. You're in pain. You're angry and hurt. Why don't you ever talk to me? That night on the roof was my fault, I shouldn't have pushed you. I shouldn't have said those words. I...I should've stopped. I know I messed up! I know that it's always been me that made this happen. I'm the one you should pound into the ground, I'm the one who should be running away from the family. I caused this. I caused your fear, your hatred, me...I did it...me...your brother...Raph..._

"I'm sorry..." _The air is so cold I can see you shivering from it. My heart's breaking, the scars on your hands, those powerful arms tensed and ready for more abuse. It hurts Raph. Can't you see it hurts to see you like this, you're so much more than this._

"I don't want yer sorry, I want ta be alone!" _Please don't come any closer, let me get this out. Let me get rid of the rage through pain._ "Please." 

"Raph talk to me, please. I don't want to fight, I don't want to drag you back. I just want to understand. I...I need to understand." 

"Understand!? Understand! You can't even begin to understand how I feel! What it's like to carry these feelings, these thoughts of hate and rage. You don't understand, and you never will." _I don't want you to know, I don't want you to see. You can't understand because I won't let you sink to that point. You're the one that needs ta be perfect. You don't need to see this._

"Raph please, I want to understand you. I need to know that you're not going to destroy yourself over these outburst. Raphael you're apart of this family apart of this team. I need you." _All of you. I need your mind to be free of this pain, your heart is breaking too. Please let me help you. I...Love you._

"You don't need me! You don't need someone who constantly wants you dead! I wanted to kill you fearless! I want to hurt Mikey every time he plays a stupid prank! I have to stop myself from beating Donnie to a pulp every time one of his gadgets puts us in danger. These thoughts tare me apart! Every time...every time it gets harder and harder to ignore them. Just on punch, one flick of the wrist...we're trained killers Leo...and I...I'm the best one in the clan. When we fight the foot I see it, when we bust up the bag guys I feel it. The darkness inside of me that can go bad at any time. I can kill, I have killed, and I know I'm good at it. So damn good at it, and it scares me to hell Leo..." _What? You're hugging me? After what I just said you're touching me...don't! Don't look at me with those eyes. I don't want to see the pain I've caused in those deep, blue....loving eyes._

"It's ok...It's ok to be afraid. I am too. You're right, we were trained to kill and to be good at killing. But, that doesn't make us killers. You...You Raphael Hamato are a brilliant warrior, a strong fighter, an amazing brother, and one shell of a turtle. This darkness lives inside of all of us, you and I...we're different though. We're honorable yes, but we are the ones that spill the blood so the others don't have to. When I left...I thought how I must be hurting you all the more for leaving you to be the only one. The last of a pair that can spill the blood and walk away. 

It's no surprise you want to end it. With everything we do, everything we've seen I can understand that at least. But...instead of finding reasons to hate yourself, instead of thinking of ways to hurt us. Let me help you find reasons to come back to the light."

"Leo what are you..." _What the shell!? He's not, did he just, damn he did. He just kissed me! That egotistical, brainless, high and mighty....warm, soft, melting kiss...._ "More..." _Wait what did I just...ah damn this feels good. Like all that rage is disappearing. He's taking it away, stealing it with every press...take more fearless. I've got a lot built up over the years. Can you..._ "Can you take it all?"

"Raph, I'll take all that you can give. I will remind you as many times as I have to that you're not alone. That I can and will share that burden with you."

"I don't know Leonardo, that's a tall order to fill. I don't think just a few kisses will make it all stop." 

"No it won't, but we have two amazing little brothers who showed me long ago that there's so many more reasons for us to love than to hate."

"Wha...When did you two?"

"Bro, seriously we've been helping Leo relax for like years now. We love him."

"Just as we love you. Mikey and I tried to comfort you so many times while Leo was gone, but...you never seemed interested in being near us so we gave you space. We're sorry..."

"Dude, we should've pushed you more to join us. We want you bro, especially Don."

"MIKEY!!! Get back here I'm going to digress you back into an egg you little..." 

"Leo? What did they mean by helping you to relax?" 

"Hehe, Raphael it'll take so much more than kisses to wash away the amount of darkness we've poured over ourselves. Come back home and we'll all show you what it means to go

Just a Little Further."

**Author's Note:**

> This is for a dear friend of mine who struggles every day with choices and troubles that some of us can't even imagine to understand. FoxKid1302 for what it's worth, I hope this helps.


End file.
